Premolars and Quarter.
Yesterday I had a dentist's visit. I was surprised it didn’t scare the shit out of me. Yesterday’s agenda was checking and changing my bracket. As I was being treated, my dentist reminded me how last month’s agenda was such a deal for me. Then, I was like “Oh, it’s been a month already”. My dentist just laughed while I was busy choosing my bracket color.
(Why bother busy choosing the color if I always go with black?)
“See, it doesn’t hurt you at all. You already passed the not so hardest stage,” she replied
I just laughed and she didn’t seem surprised by my choice of color. During the bracket changing, I was exercising my memory about last month. Last month, I was pulling off my two premolars. Two right premolars. I’ll just have them all pulled not because my teeth are bad or rotten badly. They’re perfectly fine. I was pulling off my teeth in order to work on my bracket treatment. On the notes, I already had my two left premolars being pulled out two months ago. So, my two couples of premolar already lost for this bracket treatment.
As my dentist finished changing my bracket and we discussed things for the next treatment, I told her that I lied last month. I lied to her when I asked for more doses of anesthetic. I was surprised she didn’t get mad. Instead, she just laughed “I knew it.” Also, after changing bracket, I told her that I’d rather have another premolar extraction than not able eating properly for a month.
Anyway talking about last month, when she was ready to pull out my tooth, I asked her “Can I have more doses of anesthetic?” She was pretty sure my mouth area was numb enough because my lips were already gone pale pink or white but she still did inject more doses. She let me feel numb during the tooth extraction process. Now, I knew she lied to me as well because she knew I would rather feel nothing at all while she was pulling out my precious tooth. At least, the extra doses alleviated me from suffering the pain.
For some reason, I was being very emotional because of my two right premolars all being pulled out at once. Most of the time I was using the right side of my mouth to enjoy all my food adventure. They had been a part of me before they’re gone for good. Now, I need them to be gone in order to create room for my other teeth that are being moved into place.
It only took me 20 mins to get my two premolars being pulled out, but it took me 10 years to pluck up my courage. I was feeling dizzy (of course), sad, and confused. I even asked my dentist if I can take a picture of my teeth and she was like “Go ahead.”
“Anyway, I’ll send your teeth to Dental Center so they can make a good mouth prop.” I gave her a startled laugh. Well, until now I’m glad even though my premolars are not with me again, they can be used as a mouth prop.
I’ve never thought that all my last month’s visit to the dentist could remind me of how I still manage to live.
All the confusion, loss, pain, fear, mistake, naivety and idealism of the 20s, and this, and that. Well, they’re still there but I’ve learned to let go because they won’t last as I realized the pain from the premolars extraction didn’t last forever. It did hurt but it was like only for a moment. The same thing goes to all my confusion during my 20s slightly does hurt me. But now I know it won’t last. It’ll pass somehow.
The extraction pain was real. Did it get any better by taking extra anesthetic doses? Nope at all. I just have to deal with it. The same thing I just realized is I only need to get used to all uncertain shit that actually happens. I just have to deal with it and get used to it.
Also, I still have this kind of worry after going through a very turbulent experience around a year ago. It still haunts me and pains me sometimes. I’m afraid the pain will eat me whole again. And this part reminds me of how I was lying to my dentist for the sake of getting more anesthetic doses. I always lie to myself that I’m okay. It’s like camouflage the pain like what my extra anesthetic doses did.
After a month passed and here I am today. Not feeling weird after having my four premolars being pulled out. Now I’ve learned to understand that all this uncertain shit will pass but they won’t go away. Just deal with them. It’s like I cannot just wait and stay quiet and hope that all my shit will be gone. I keep chewing like usual. I’ll keep hustling like usual. It’s just a matter of perspective that I’ve to get used to it.
Facing one small problem helps me to fathom the idea of conducting all life experiences that I’ve been through. I have to believe in myself more I’ll get better in terms of dealing with all unpleasantness.
One day I will reach the point where I can go to the dentist casually and let her do the work without feeling anxious or fainted, likewise every time I feel scared of all the gory life, I have to remember that I can and will casually elapse without realizing the goriness and anguish.
Yesterday, I was going to the dentist.
Yesterday and today, I’ve reached a quarter.
(Why bother busy choosing the color if I always go with black?)
“See, it doesn’t hurt you at all. You already passed the not so hardest stage,” she replied
I just laughed and she didn’t seem surprised by my choice of color. During the bracket changing, I was exercising my memory about last month. Last month, I was pulling off my two premolars. Two right premolars. I’ll just have them all pulled not because my teeth are bad or rotten badly. They’re perfectly fine. I was pulling off my teeth in order to work on my bracket treatment. On the notes, I already had my two left premolars being pulled out two months ago. So, my two couples of premolar already lost for this bracket treatment.
As my dentist finished changing my bracket and we discussed things for the next treatment, I told her that I lied last month. I lied to her when I asked for more doses of anesthetic. I was surprised she didn’t get mad. Instead, she just laughed “I knew it.” Also, after changing bracket, I told her that I’d rather have another premolar extraction than not able eating properly for a month.
Anyway talking about last month, when she was ready to pull out my tooth, I asked her “Can I have more doses of anesthetic?” She was pretty sure my mouth area was numb enough because my lips were already gone pale pink or white but she still did inject more doses. She let me feel numb during the tooth extraction process. Now, I knew she lied to me as well because she knew I would rather feel nothing at all while she was pulling out my precious tooth. At least, the extra doses alleviated me from suffering the pain.
For some reason, I was being very emotional because of my two right premolars all being pulled out at once. Most of the time I was using the right side of my mouth to enjoy all my food adventure. They had been a part of me before they’re gone for good. Now, I need them to be gone in order to create room for my other teeth that are being moved into place.
It only took me 20 mins to get my two premolars being pulled out, but it took me 10 years to pluck up my courage. I was feeling dizzy (of course), sad, and confused. I even asked my dentist if I can take a picture of my teeth and she was like “Go ahead.”
“Anyway, I’ll send your teeth to Dental Center so they can make a good mouth prop.” I gave her a startled laugh. Well, until now I’m glad even though my premolars are not with me again, they can be used as a mouth prop.
I’ve never thought that all my last month’s visit to the dentist could remind me of how I still manage to live.
All the confusion, loss, pain, fear, mistake, naivety and idealism of the 20s, and this, and that. Well, they’re still there but I’ve learned to let go because they won’t last as I realized the pain from the premolars extraction didn’t last forever. It did hurt but it was like only for a moment. The same thing goes to all my confusion during my 20s slightly does hurt me. But now I know it won’t last. It’ll pass somehow.
The extraction pain was real. Did it get any better by taking extra anesthetic doses? Nope at all. I just have to deal with it. The same thing I just realized is I only need to get used to all uncertain shit that actually happens. I just have to deal with it and get used to it.
Also, I still have this kind of worry after going through a very turbulent experience around a year ago. It still haunts me and pains me sometimes. I’m afraid the pain will eat me whole again. And this part reminds me of how I was lying to my dentist for the sake of getting more anesthetic doses. I always lie to myself that I’m okay. It’s like camouflage the pain like what my extra anesthetic doses did.
After a month passed and here I am today. Not feeling weird after having my four premolars being pulled out. Now I’ve learned to understand that all this uncertain shit will pass but they won’t go away. Just deal with them. It’s like I cannot just wait and stay quiet and hope that all my shit will be gone. I keep chewing like usual. I’ll keep hustling like usual. It’s just a matter of perspective that I’ve to get used to it.
Facing one small problem helps me to fathom the idea of conducting all life experiences that I’ve been through. I have to believe in myself more I’ll get better in terms of dealing with all unpleasantness.
One day I will reach the point where I can go to the dentist casually and let her do the work without feeling anxious or fainted, likewise every time I feel scared of all the gory life, I have to remember that I can and will casually elapse without realizing the goriness and anguish.
Yesterday, I was going to the dentist.
Yesterday and today, I’ve reached a quarter.
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